Quack Diddely OhSeDoe Revisited
by JBLovesSharks
Summary: 3.11.2010 SHELVED - go read the original version : - "Cameron's family suddenly shows up at PPTH, exposing her horrific and tragic past. Will House be there for her to help her cope?" HAMERON heavy angst!fic. read A/N for complete warning
1. The Bobbsey Twins

**Authors Note:** Okay, firstly, I know this is like the bazillionth new story I'm putting up, but well, that's just how it rolls. I need a story that just flows out of me where I don't have to put myself in my seat and concentrate on writing. It'll help my creative juices flow and then I can work on my other stuff more.

Anyhoo, this is a revisted, or rather, adaptation of a story I wrote like a year ago – Quack Diddely Oh Se Do. Anyone remember it? If so, well, try and forget some of it as this story will be different, but the same in a way. Characters in general will still exist, though the relationships might be different. And for those that loved Ryan, yes, he will still be as awesome and cute and autistic as ever (and his dog, God, will also be here, cause you can't have Ryan without God…)

Oh, and another important bit, House and Cameron are NOT already in a relationship. It's going to be more complicated than that. It's mostly gonna end up Hameron but there maybe some Huddy undertones (not much) and Chase will appear a little more than he did last time. And the new fellows are also here, but I'll wriggle that in somehow so it doesn't seem weird.

As for a WARNING: This story will contain themes such as child abuse(physical, sexual and emotional), graphic violence, graphic consensual (and maybe some non-con) sex, and incest (in some form or another, I'll test the waters with you readers as I write). If anything else comes up I'll put a warning in that chapter heading. Now that you're sufficiently warned (or scared), if you continue to read you give up the right to flame me for a story line you don't like or can't swallow. Everyone else, all you angst!sluts, please send some reviews my way. And like I did with my previous fic, I will reply to every signed review I get with teasers or spoilers or tidbits for upcoming chapters. Of course if you don't want that, say so in your review (so still review hehe).

Wow, what a huge authors note… Oh, should also say that this is probably going to seem incredibly OOC or not anywhere near canon, but well, I don't care. It's my story and I will do with it as I please. In my head it's canon and IC and that's what I'm writing from.

Enjoy!

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**Chapter 1** **– The Bobbsey Twins**

It was an uncharacteristically hot and sunny day in April at Princetain Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Despite the abundance of air conditioning inside the buildings, a rather large number of doctors lay sprawled out in the grassy courtyard, or at some shaded picnic tables, eating their lunch or simply discussing their current patients. One such table saw the multitude of the Diagnostics department squandering time and hiding from one of two of their bosses.

Technically it was Dr. House that was hiding from the dean of the hospital - Dr. Cuddy. The bright, sunny day saw a lot of patients swarming the hospital's free clinic with complaints ranging from allergies to heat stroke. Throw in a couple of chicken pox ridden children and the clinic was some place the misonthropic doctor definitely did not want to be.

"Sooo… are we going to talk about our patient, or just take in the scenery?" Dr. Chase sat in his green surgery scrubs, his hands idly playing with a maroon patient folder. Sitting next to him were two relatively new additions to the hospital and to House's department – Dr. Kutner and Dr. Taub. Long time co-worker Dr. Foreman sat opposite him, also looking incredibly bored and unamused at their current situation.

"I rather like what I'm looking at." House grinned to himself as he continued to gaze at his two female fellows, Dr. Cameron and Dr. Hadley, or Thirteen as she was strangely called. The girls were both leant over the opposite end of the picnic table looking through their shared folder. The angle at which they were bent gave the oldest doctor a clear view down both of their tops.

Chase looked in the direction his boss was staring and rolled his eyes, clearing his throat. This got his sometimes sex buddy to look up and over at him. With a little nod of his head, the blond got the two women to shift their gaze opposite them where House was grinning like an idiot. "You know the sixties are over; you can wear a bra again." His comment was directed at the younger woman.

Thirteen frowned and stood up, adjusting her suspenders on the shoulders of her low cut red shirt. She had gone to work with a beige jacket that matched her pants, incorrectly assuming her day would be spent entirely inside the chilly hospital. "Yeah, well, you go deal with underwire on a daily basis." She still crossed her arms over her chest as she spoke, her face blushing the slightest amount.

Cameron on the other hand simply rolled her eyes at the man and continued to stay hunched over the table. She had been working for House for nearly four years; she was used to his lewd comments. Besides, it made a part of her feel good to think that after such a long time of pining for the man, he was finally beginning to notice her as someone other than his too sensitive and caring piece of 'lobby art'. Perhaps that was why he hired Thirteen; to replace her in that respect.

House was still grinning to himself when a hand reached out and cuffed him in the back fo the head. He jerked in the chair he was lounged in, pulling his legs off of the edge of the table so he could swivel around and see who had come up behind him. "Dr. Cuddy, just in time." He chose to ignore the radiation of annoyance coming off of her; that wasn't anything new. "I do believe Cameron is vying for your position as Dr. Funbags." He heard the snicker coming from his two knew employees and continued. "Of course, there's one way to settle this. You, sparky, go get us two jugs of cold water."

Kutner was actually pulling himself from off the bench when he realized that the request wasn't serious. Then again, knowing House… "Funny." Cuddy crossed her arms over her chest, much like Thirteen had done, and stared down at the childish doctor. "I need two of your fellows to help me in the clinic." She knew to save her breath on asking him to do do the work himself. "You don't need six doctors for one patient."

"Two patients. She's pregnant." House cut in and grabbed the nearest folder. He opened it and pretended to scan the admission paperwork.

"No she's not." Kutner swallowed deeply when House stared incredulously at him. "I mean, she might be… I haven't uh, checked."

House shook his head and tossed his folder at the man and jerked his thumb behind him towards Cuddy. "Go. And take shorty with you." Taub rolled his eyes but got up just the same. As the two doctors turned to follow the dean back into the hospital, a shrill cry rang out and rose in volume as its creators charged directly at the group.

"What the hell?" Chase leant back so he could see around the standing doctors. Two figures were running at full speed towards them, both shouting at the top of their lungs.

Cameron was the last to look up as the intruders neared. "Oh shit!" She exclaimed and pushed herself away from the picnic table and directly in the path of the oncoming young men. Moments later the first barreled full speed into her. He had hunched over so he could shoulder butt her in the stomach.

Instead of flying backwards, Cameron gripped onto the boy and was tossed easily over his shoulder. Without missing a beat, he kept running, the blonde doctor shouting and beating at his back as they went. The surprisingly identical man was only a few seconds behind and slowed down long enough to grin at them crazily. "Don't worry, we'll return her when we're done." And he was off chasing his partner in crime.

The remaining doctors sat there blinking, some in confusion and some in amusement. "Did anyone else see Cameron just kidnapped by the Bobbsey twins?" The group turned to look at Chase.

"Technically, the Bobbsey twins were male and female pairs." Kutner shrugged as the group now stared at him. "What?"

House ignored his two idiotic employees and watched the trio off in the distance. Cameron had managed to claw at her kidnappers shirt, pulling it up so she could bite down on a sensitive part of his side. The shock caused him to let go and as he kept running, Cameron tumbled head first down his back and onto the grass below. "Am I the only one finding this hilarious?"

The cripple'd doctor grabbed his cane and hoisted himself to his feet. Without waiting for any responses, he took off towards the scene as fast as his bum leg would allow him. During his approach, Cameron had managed to tackle the second boy. She must have got him in the groin on the way down for he was now hunched over gripping his crotch. House snickered and watch as she went for the other twin and easily twisted him around so she had one of his arms pressed up behind him. The position caused him to rise up on his feet and arch backwards to try and release the pressure.

Despite his helpless predicament, the boy managed to point with his other arm at his brother and laugh histerically at his painful moaning. "Hah! Mom got you in the nads!" This got Cameron to jerk his arm up further and then release him to tend to his now pained shoulder.

"Yeah well, Mom almost broke your arm." The boy on the ground laughed through gritted teeth as he let himself roll onto his side in the grass.

"Am I interrupting something?" House had both his hands on top of his cane and was staring at the trio with rising interest. He knew Cameron worked out, but had no idea she was agile and strong enough to take down two men.

"Yeah, you missed Mom rendering Stu infertile." The boy that was still standing grinned despite Cameron rounding on him and punching him in the good shoulder.

"Shut up Nic!" She clasped her hands into fists and glared at the boy until he shrank down to his knees. "And you, stop complaining!" She turned to the other, "I didn't get you _that_ hard."

House chewed on the inside of his lip. He didn't know where to start. Finally deciding on the obvious, "Mom?" He drew it out, testing the word on his lips as well as in his brain. "Why Cameron, you never told me you had spawn. And I asked more than once, remember?"

Cameron growled low in her throat at the two boys who were now on their knees huddled next to each other in mock terror. "Assholes." She tried ridding her face of the exhasperation she felt before looking up at her boss. "I remember you going through my private records." The response didn't answer his question so House continued to stare at her expectantly. "They might be devil spawn, but they're not mine."

"Wait, you mean you're _not_ our mother!?" The boy referred to as Stu grinned as his brother slapped him high five. They both then put on serious expressions and stared at the woman as if she'd just told them Santa Claus wasn't real.

"They're my _brothers_, House." Cameron ignored them and continued to explain. "I have no idea what they are doing here. I'm sorry they interrupted our… well, they didn't interrupt anything really." She crossed her arms over her chest as she stared at the older man almost challangingly. This was not a situation she had ever expected to be in. To think only a few minutes ago she was overanalyzing House's interrest in her body and now he suddenly thought she had two teenage sons.

"Brothers? They look just like you." It was true, the twins did look a lot like her, especially when they were younger and all had relatively long, blonde hair.

Cameron uncrossed her arms and turned towards the two on the ground. She gripped an ear from both in her hands and pulled them awkwardly and painfully to their feet. "And they look like each other yet are fraternal twins." She began to march her brothers back towards the hospital.

As she neared the table with her dumbstruck colleagues, the boys managed to weasel out of her grasp and sprinted towards the doctors. "So, you guys work with our _Mommy?_" Nic took a seat next to Foreman while Stu sat down in the chair House had recently vacated. Cuddy had dissappeared back into the hospital with both Taub and Kutner.

"Don't listen to them." Cameron stormed up to the table and went straight for Stu, gripping the back of his tank top in her fist and attempting to yank him up out of his seat. "They were just leaving."

The boy wrestled with the woman, the two nearly ripping his shirt at the seams. "Aww, and we were just getting to know your friends." He began to laugh as Cameron let go of his shirt and went for his tickelish sides. She managed to have him squealing in laughter and agony on the grass in seconds.

"Yeah, and Dad's not coming back for at least an hour." Nic pulled one of the manila folders off the table and began to flip through it. A few pages in was a print out of their patient's latest MRI scans. "That's so cool." He grinned at the images before they were yanked away. "Hey!"

"Um, what the hell is going on?" Chase couldn't stay quiet any longer. "Who are these two? And why did they attack you?" House had rounded on the table at this point and was taking up residence in the seat one of the boys had just vacated during his collapse to the ground. He pulled his legs back onto the table and rested his cane against his chair.

"Can we please not do this?" Cameron couldn't stop herself from looking at House briefly. "They're my brothers. They came here for whatever reason and now they are leaving." She had Nic by the shirt now and the boy reluctantly allowed her to pull him to his feet.

Stu got to his feet as well and made a show of brushing his clothes off as he walked towards the other two. "Fine, we're going." He grabbed his brother by the shoulder and pulled him from Cameron's grasp. "Just give Dad.. Jacob.. a call when you get off. Ryan's sick."

Another one? "Who's Ryan? Another 'brother' of yours?" He bunny quoted as he quirked a brow towards the woman. He wasn't expecting the shocked and pained expression on her face.

Nic narrowed his brows at the man when he saw the look on his sisters face. "No jerk face. Ryan really _is_ her son." With that the two boys spared another glance at their sister and then turned and headed off back in the direction they came. The rest fell into a hushed silence as they all turned to look at Cameron.

The woman had gone white at the mention of Ryan being sick. All other thoughts had left her mind; she didn't even notice that everyone was staring at her, mouths either agape or clasped shut in shock. Fighting with herself to remain calm, "I uh, I gotta go make a phone call," and then she was off towards the hospital as fast as her legs could carry her.

**Authors Note:** Bwaha. Not that I want to spoil anything, but just so you know there is a general theme of mislabled family members in her, well, family. Sister/Mom etc. So just because they call each other one thing, doesn't make it necessarily true, or false for that matter. ;) I'd love some reviews!


	2. Spill it Mosby

**Chapter 2 - Spill it Mosby**

By the time House managed to follow Cameron into the hospital and up to his office, she was already sitting on the carpet with her cell phone plastered to her cheek. He paused, his hand on the handle to the glass door, as he watched the lines in her back hunch then straighten then hunch again as she talked fervently to whomever it was she'd managed to reach.

Ignoring the very small voice in his mind that told him this conversation he was about to barge into was private, House pushed open the door and stepped quietly into the conference room. He'd been rehearsing his snarky excuses for intruding in his mind, and was a little startled that she didn't notice him and therefor gave him no excuse to use one.

Cameron was certain the slightly raised buttons on her cell phone had left permanent impressions in her cheek, but she never the less didn't let up her grip on the device. "Jacob, listen, please, just put him on." She was growing more alarmed by the moment. "You don't send the boys to me with a cryptic statement like 'Ryan's sick' and then expect me to not overreact!?"

House jumped slightly at the sudden rise in her voice, but even the sound of his Nike's scuffling the carpet didn't deter the woman from her purpose. Deciding he was too intrigued to make his presence known at that point, he very quietly pulled out a chair and took a seat.

Still oblivious to her audience, Cameron switched the phone into her other hand and pressed it once more painfully to the side of her face. With her now free hand she ran her fingers through her hair, absently pulling at some dried leaves and grass that had collected in the scuffle in the courtyard. "Look, you already said he isn't speaking – so he'll just listen to my voice."

There was a long pause and then House saw her body nearly collapse in on itself as she relaxed all the tense muscles down her neck and back. Whomever it was she had been arguing with had obviously given in. Was this person Jacob? Was she trying to speak to Ryan? Were the identical strangers outside being sincere when they said the latter was actually a child of his employee? He wanted to know, he wanted to ask, but more than that, he wanted to see what was going to happen next.

Cameron pulled her hand from her hair and brushed at the tears that had formed under her eyes. After a few moments of silence on the other end of the line, there was a shuffling and then the familiar sound of the receiver being pressed against an individuals face. She briefly conjured the mental image of Ryan holding the phone as tightly as she was, before shaking it away.

"Ryan, baby?" There was no answer. "Sweety, it's Mommy. Are you there?" Again, there was no verbal response. The fear that had gripped her while outside was back and double fold; Ryan was not shy of the telephone. Not unless something was really wrong, or he was ill. "It's okay baby, you don't have to speak." She knew the words were meant to reassure herself, and not him. "I just wanted to tell you that I love you and that I will see you tomorrow. Daddy tells me you're not feeling well."

House was glad he had sat down for he would have probably fallen over at this point. Surely he was mishearing. Or dreaming. It was one thing to suddenly meet two nearly identical looking brothers of hers, and another to listen to her converse one sided on the phone with _her child_. For he knew that was who Ryan had to be; no one talked the way she was to someone who they claimed was 'just their brother'.

Cameron was now wiping the tears that fell freely down her cheeks. "Ryan buddy, can you give the phone back to Daddy?" To her surprise and relief, there was again the sound of shuffling on the other end. After a few moments, "Hey, did he give it to you or did you hear me?" She held her breath and her hopes and let them both out at Jacob's response. "Why didn't you tell me he was regressing?" Her voice was harsher than she'd meant it to come across. Truthfully, she was suddenly filled with rage at the man for keeping the boys deteriorating health from her.

"I could have taken time off!" She countered his argument but then sighed and bit down hard on her lip. "No, I'm sorry. Look, just bring him by in the morning. I'll make sure I can get out by myself to see him." She paused and laughed for a moment. "Don't worry, I'll just tell him I'm going to work in the clinic and he'll steer clear. I already have enough damage control to do with what the boys told him."

House knew where he was going to be hanging around tomorrow. The hell he was going to let a puzzle like this evade him, even if it meant entering the 'no work' zone. Besides, if anyone tried to give him a chart, he could say he was just there for a consult.

Suddenly he was snapped from his thoughts by a terrified cry. "Oh god, House!" Cameron had hung up and was slowly pulling herself to her feet when she finally noticed the doctor sitting less then a dozen feet behind her. "What the hell are you doing here!?"

The man cocked a brow and studied her red and glistening face. "I thought you could use a consult." He was about to add to his statement when the woman lurched forward as if to bolt past him. Without thinking too far into the consequences, he stuck his cane out and managed to lodge it perfectly between her moving feet.

With no real time to comprehend the situation, Cameron landed painfully and awkwardly forward onto her chest and face. Immediately her nose sprang into action spurting blood down her mouth and chin and onto the carpeting. "House! Augh!" She could tell it wasn't broken, so simply gripped it between her fingers and squeezed in an attempt to stem the blood.

"Wow, that was some nose dive." House couldn't keep the amusement out of his voice as he used his cane for it's intended purpose, and pulled himself out of his chair. He moved closer to her and reached down a hand but she batted it away and made her way to her feet unassisted. "I'd give it a perfect ten but it _is_ my carpet you're bleeding on. Want to try this again in Wilson's office?"

Cameron couldn't help but roll her eyes as she once more attempted to skirt past her boss. "House, just let me go, please." She knew she sounded pathetic, pleading with him as he once more blocked her exit though this time with his body and not his walking implement.

"Not until you explain yourself." He grabbed her free arm and dragged her towards the small sink in the corner of the conference room. "Here." He turned on the tap and started to hand her wads of damp paper towels with which to clean up.

Blood was still freely flowing from her nose so she took the offering and sighed, placing the towel beneath her nostrils and leaning her head forward so she wouldn't accidently spill the crimson liquid down the back of her nasal cavity and into her throat. She'd had more than her fair share of nosebleeds growing up.

"I don't need to explain anything; you were eavesdropping." She told him as she used her free hand to start wiping the blood from her chin with a second wad of towels. Luckily she hadn't gotten any fluids on her shirt for she was sure she didn't have a change of clothes in her locker and didn't quite want to walk around in a pink scrub top for the rest of the day.

House smirked and stepped back as she took over control of the sink. "_You_ were broadcasting. Not my fault I walked in before the show ended." He took another step back and sat down once more. "Regardless, I know your plan. If you want to be left alone for even two minutes tomorrow, you need to start talking."

Cameron closed her eyes and sighed. There was no way she could get out of this without _some_ truth being told. House was smart, she knew he would catch on if she tried to lie. Then again, when it came down to her family, she wasn't sure anymore what was considered a lie and what wasn't. "I don't have a kid, House." She decided to start with.

"You also didn't have any brothers until twenty minutes ago." He retorted, not sure why he felt he needed to make this that much harder for her. Part of him was intrigued by the puzzle, while another was actually a little put down by the fact that he'd known this woman for over four years and was only now finding out what was probably her biggest secret.

He remembered how she almost eagerly gave up her dead husband to him in admission, as if she had _wanted_ him to know. Of course that was when she was puppy loving up to him. Now, years later, he knew she'd moved on, that she was sleeping with Chase. Though from the expression on the Aussie's face earlier, it was apparent that this was a secret no one was currently privy to. Until now.

"I've always had brothers. You just didn't know about them until now." Her nose had stopped bleeding so she tossed the last of the towels into the trash and turned so she could lean back against the counter top. "Ryan is my brother too," she hesitated, unsure how to best explain, "he's just a lot younger than me. I pretty much raised him so..." She twirled her hand in the air, foolishly thinking she didn't need to elaborate any further.

"How much younger? It sounded like you were speaking to a two year old." He narrowed his eyes at her only to hesitate himself when her expression shifted quickly from surprise to pain and then to anger. "What.. were you?" He hadn't been serious but he couldn't figure why else she'd react the way she just had, even if it was only for a moment.

Cameron had covered her face with her hand the moment she'd given away too much with her features. "He's not two, House, he's-"

"There you guys are! We've been looking for you – there's been a development with the patient." Chase and Foreman were now suddenly standing in the room on the opposite side of the conference table, both of their faces flushed.

House groaned and quickly contemplated tossing the two intruders out, but before he could respond Cameron had pulled herself from the counter and was now heading towards her coworkers as if they were a life raft and she had been drowning. "Where else would we be?" She sniped at her friend, needing to get out the tension and knowing he'd not read into it.

"We weren't done." House protested as Cameron became engrossed in discussion with the other two doctors. "Heeellooooo." He waved his hand as if mockingly trying to regain her attention.

Cameron finished her thoughts about what tests they should run and then looked back towards House. "Yes, we are." She stated, not sounding nearly as final as she'd wanted to. In truth she knew they weren't done. She knew that no matter how hard she tried, she wouldn't be able to keep Ryan a secret anymore. Not from House. And maybe now, not from the world.

**Authors Note:** Okay this was a god awful chapter, I just couldn't for the life of me write it because while it had to be written in some form, it wasn't that interesting or that meaty for me. Having a hard time writing house/cameron not already in a relationship, but I don't really want to change that plot point. I'll just have to work them into getting together sooner than originally intended ;) Next chapter introduces more of her family members and will also have some angsty cameron meltdown goodness : Yay for hurt/comfort!


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